Today Should Have Been Jools’ 18th Birthday

Jools' 6th Birthday (Ellen, Jools, Matt)

Today should have been filled with laughter and celebration.

Today, our son Jools should have turned 18.

Instead, there is silence.

No card to write. No present to wrap. Just an aching, endless space where my brilliant, funny, kind boy should be.

Since that awful day when Jools died, I’ve lived with a pain no parent should ever know. I’m fighting to understand what happened to him, but along the way, that search for answers has grown into something much bigger. Meeting so many other parents who are in a similar awful position.

Because Jools is not the only child.

There are others, right now, being harmed, confused, and overwhelmed by what they’re exposed to online. Violent, explicit, and deeply inappropriate content, content no child should ever see, and it is just a scroll away. It’s hurting their minds, their self-worth, and in some cases, their lives.

So I keep going, not just to find answers about what happened to Jools, but for every other child who is still here and still at risk. I have no other children of my own left to protect, but I can fight to protect yours. And I will.

Jools should still be here. He should be celebrating with his friends, with me, with his dad, and with everyone who loved him so much.

If you’re a parent, please take a moment to hug your child today. Look them in the eyes and remind them they are loved beyond measure.

And if you work in government, tech, education, or law, ask yourself:

What are we really doing to protect our children online?

Because right now, it is not enough.

I’ll never get to buy Jools a pint.

I’ll never see him off to university.

I’ll never know the man he could have become.

But I can fight. And I will.

I can’t say “Happy Birthday,” because there’s not one part of this that feels happy.

So instead, I’ll just say: Thinking of you, my darling boy, on what should have been your 18th birthday. I pinky promise to love you forever, Jools.

Love, Mum x